So sorry!!!

Hey everyone!!! Sorry its been awhile but my computer broke two days after my last blog and sadly I couldn't get it fixed here. The warranty only works in the US. Fucking laptop... I miss my beautiful iMac at home. I know they're amazing and mine just waits for me to one day come home and play with it. I know I'm a bad mom hehehe!!! So right now I'm writing a small letter from my pretty little iPhone which gets really annoying after awhile LOL. For those of you who know even the auto spell doesn't fix everything!!! So as soon as I get to a comp where I can write freely and upload pics I will be updating you. But don't worry I've been busy as always!! Love you all miss you more.

Ps: no this does not mean I'm taking calls. Please don't call or text FYI!!! LOL and yes I know I'm a Mac girl but they're better what can I say!?

Oh, I've been busy....

I have to put this out there now. I love my life. I love the people in it and the amazing things that have happened thus far. I'm thankful for my family and the understanding we have come to. That they can't take me from the life I want to live. That my life needs to be full of life experiences, that my feet never keep still and I just have to keep moving forward. One day I might do what they want, but for now I'm pleased to be surviving by myself. That I made my own money and lived on my own and chose to come to Brazil. Not knowing anything about it really. Only that it was new and something I needed to do. I've kept myself from traveling for too long. Now I've been offered a chance to stay for a year as an English teacher!!! I can't think of what that would do for my life. True I planned on going from here to Thailand or Austrailla but now I'm not sure. My life is an open book that I just keep writing in. I had writer's block for some time now and then poof, the book can't hold all the chapters I'm making for myself. So there I said it. Moving on.

I've been sick. Oh yes a little cold moslt in my head and a little scratch in my throat but that is it. And the need to sleep all day long. But then be up all night still. LOL. I get to see the sunset and sunrise everyday. Nothing better then that. I can sit at my computer and work and out the window past the pool in my backyard I can see the buildings light up as the sun travels up them in the morning and then down them at night, bouncing off the windows and lighting up the streets at dusk still. So I haven't been on to write about what has been going on for the last two weeks. I started this blog on the 13th but I am only now getting back to it on the 17th. Hell I might have to come back to it again since the family is here from Macoco with the baby! I love it! I showed her the guitar and she went nuts! Not to mention getting to play Banana Pancakes for a 2 year old is awesome! SHe has amazingly big brown eyes and curly black hair that just sits on her head in little loops. It isn't long enough to hang down yet.

But really now before I got sick I was still a busy little bee, living the party life still! I just can't escape it. People come over, we laugh together then they come back and drag me to the newest club and funny it is always VIP. What is it with VIP? I never pay for a thing.... Not that it is bad!!!

So after going out to the clubs in Rio the girls dragged me to the clubs here in Niteroi. I met Julia who always seems to add me to every party list when we go. She dragged me to a parivate party for this guy at an amazing out door club. Not that she had to pull me to go with her or anything. LOL. But this place was pretty cool. The five of us were in a section of the club with a POOL and our own private bar with free drinks all night. Now take in mind you can get a red bull and vadka at Vex for a dollar on Thursday nights (I think) here in Brazil it is the most exspensive drink on the menu! Dont ask me why but it is. So we had those and Smeirnoff Ice, and beer for free. The girls got wasted as usual lol. But I didn't understand the concept of this party for this guy. It was like her was running for president but for a college or high school. Not sure, but it was like a political party. Weird. But the club got packed and the music was hot, for awhile then I got board. The bass didn't fill me because it was too soft and the DJ was really bad. The girls were telling me to go up and spin for the club because they thought the music was bad too! HAHAHA. But no. I think we ended up getting home at 4AM, not too sure. We left a few girls there though, lol, they had rides home, *wink*. Nothing too crazy or anything but the free buzz was nice, so thank you to that guy, you rock! You have my vote!

Now this is when the fun starts! So Pamela told me about this gay party. I thought maybe it was something small. So I just put the same clothes on from the night before (reeking of smoke I didn't want to my other clothes to smell too) and went with Joana and Rafeal to this party. WHICH WASN'T A PARTY BUT A FUCKING GAY PARADE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! No really there were thousdans of people in the middle of the street and two giant buses with people dancing on the top while they played two different types of techno music! There were people dressed up and lights and food and everything. Right next to the beach too.

Now in Brazil being gay is not good. In America it is the same but people are more accepting, here not so much.So this is the one time they all come out and do what they want to do. I didn't know there were so many beautiful gay women in Brail, holy shit. I couldn't walk through the crowd for more then a few seconds without the girls touching me or pulling on my hair or even grabbing me and kissing me! I was sad that there weren't as many gay boys all dressed up in drag, I love that about the American boys. LOL. But again it isn't something they do here. Now out of all the people on the street I'm there on the sidewalk and Joana sees Tati! The girl from the night club!! Weird right? Well she just up and grabs me first off and makes out with me. Hello to you too! HAHA. We ended up spending the night together hanging out dancing and

on the beach. Her English is amazingly good and she travels everyhwere. One thing about Brazilian men is when they see two girls making out they want to kiss you too and they will stop at nothing to try. Wait that sounds like American men too. LOL. I almost had to punch this guy out...a few times. But if you know me well I'm down for a good fight! Moslt against men twice my size and three times as stupid as a normal goldfish... But hey. The one thing I love about Tati is she is always dancing. Never stops like me. Another is that she just loves to ask me to kiss her. Just looks at me and say KISS ME! I always smile at her and then she says no really KISS ME! So I do, I can't help it she is so demanding! You can only imagine how that night turned out. On to the next!

Shopping. Oh man the girls know how to shop and I hate to shop so I was the carier of the bags and the one that told them yes or know on things. Again the guy, which I dont mind....ever. Ture I found a shop that sold only vests but who the hell is going to pay 60-95 reals for a VEST?! Not me, so I'm going to a store next week where this lady will make some for me cheap if I get the fabric. I did how ever find a haulter vest for 20 and a white sundress with straps made out of this really great net like silk. I can't explain it. (I know I'm not a dress person but I had to get something my mom would like on me) and yes I found some shoes. The perfect pair of 20's flapper boots. The wide ankles with the flap over the top, in a sexy beige color. OK ok so they were 85 real but they are soooo worth it! Those with black pinstrip pants, a beige vest and a black fadora now that is hot!!

Ok have to tell this story in big font because... well because you'll see why.....While shopping some girl stops, and is staring at me in the weirdest way. Cute girl with a shoulder length hair cut and big brown eyes. Pretty cute girl in a general way of speaking. I'm used to peoplestaring at me for some reason or another so I looked at her and smiled and she damn near hits the floor!! Why? Not sure. She later walks up to Pamela and asks her........ "IS THAT MIA KUSHNER?" OMG WTF? Even in Brazil people think I'm Jenny from the L Word!!! COME ON!!!!! I will never escape this!

For those of you that dont know who Mia Kushner is I've uploaded a pic so you can see the damn difference that I guess other people dont see. But I wont lie it is pretty close.

Ok so before shopping on our way into Rio I got to see my favorite tiny tinies! The monkeys that I love at the Zoo. OMG they were running across the telephone wires and playing with each other. I wanted to grab one and just eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! HAHAHA. Also I saw a Domino's Pizza and a Subway. I got to the Jesus statue from a closer point of view, we are going to go see it next week. I think I will cry. I dont know why, I'm not religious but I know being in a place so high and beautiful over looking the city of Roi where you can hug the feet of Jesus just might make me cry. In a good way. But for now he scares me. Dont ask. I can't really remember what else we did that day. Other then the girls wearing me out I think we all went home and passed out. LOL. I know I was tired.

The next night, at least I think it was the next night, my days run together now, we went out to yet another party. LOL. This time it wasn't VIP but again it was free. This place was so cool. It was at a Country Club here in my city on top of this giant hill. The club was HUGE! Not as big as the Week but it could fit over 600 nicely. The music was good and the light show was sick. I ran into the pro fighter again who speaks english very well and is really big in Japan from what he said. The funny part is he was wearing a shirt with his own name on it....how lame. HAHA. Like he was stupid enough to have to look down and remember what his own name was. I'm surprised it wasn't written upside down for him HAHAHA!!! But in all honesty he's a great guy. At one point I was sitting outside the bathroom on yet another "I broke the seal"bathroom trips for the girls and these girls came up and asked it I was ok. I said yes and that I was waiting. They knew I was american and freaked out. Came right up and almost sat on me! Talking in the limited English they knew. I get this a lot by the way. LOL. Not that I mind these girls were cute. But there we were right on the dirt floor talking. They were begging me to hang out with them and I said that I had to wait for my friends. When Julia came out I pointed and I guess they were all friends and freaked out even more. The blond "LIKE OMG" type of freak out. Giddy and silly. Loves it!!! HAHAHA. (Shawn that was for you). Ended up hanging with a bunch of sweet girls that are still messaging me to hang out with them no matter how many times I saw I'm sick! HAHAHA. I just need one good shot of 151 and I'll be good! HAHA. Later that night I made nice with the three DJ's and hung out with them. I needed a small break from the crowd. I just wanted to feel the music for awhile. The guys were sick and let me play around and learn the system for corresponding the light show with the beat of the music! SICKNESS! I love it. I think we got home that night at 630 in the morning, again I had to drive because the girls just get so wasted!!! LOL.

The next moring we slept in and later a lady came over and......cut my hair. (Stay tuned for that one!!!) But since then Joana and I have been sick. I think she's been sick longer and fighting it but now we are just so tired that we sleep all day. The mom is wonderful and takes care of me, she even got me antibiotics! Awesomeness!! Cant think of anything else really. A guy comes over and helps me learn Spanish songs on the guitar, I drink a lot of strawberry tea and have to go to the bathroom all day long because of it, I eat amazing food (something new everyday), I watch it rain sometimes, or I sit and listen to music on my ipod sitting on the roof. So far. I'm happy to say the work is coming soon. I have two photoshoots set up next week in Rio and Buzios one of the most amazing beaches in Brazil. So if the weather is nice it's on!!! WOOHOO! I'm uploading a video of my brother in a boxing outfit, when you see it you will die! This is what we do when we are home alone!! HAHAHA! I love this kid soooo much!

So I'm going back to hang with family. I've already had more then enough food stuffed down my face to last me for a few days and still they keep wanting to feed me. I think I really am sick on food right now, ug. Also the baby is calling for me. We've already done the airplane thing where I toss her up and down in circles and she screams and laughs. I'm drunk on the laughter of a baby. The pureness of it fills my soul in the deepest innocence that I can't help but smile and feel the joy of it myself. That and she's pulling at the strings of my guitar. I got her on video playing with me I have to upload that too!
So I hope all is well for everyone that stops by and reads this. I miss you all but am having an amazing time so dont worry I'm not home sick. HAHA. Much love!

The Week and the box....

The rain had left the city with the scent of washed away muck. The damp smell that clings to the streets where it doesn't smell good but it doesn't smell bad either. I could smell the scent of shampoo and perfume coming from the bathroom where the girls were getting ready. Laughing and talking so fast I could only pick up a few words here and there. But when they came out they looked beautiful, as always. I snuck in after them and put up my favorite pair of old naturally torn Guess jeans, chain link belt, knee high boots, and the new vest I got in downtown Rio with the essential accessories (gloves, rings, cross necklace, studded braclet, the thick rocker eye shadow, Very Sexy lipstick and the scent of Paris Hilton). When I came out the girls were ready and we hopped into the car and drove in the warm night air to Rio. Over the giant bridge where the smell of sea water blended with the nasty smell of fumes from the cars. Down into the lights and through the traffic we found ourselfs early at a night club called "The Week". The temptation of beers at the bar down the street drove us to spend two hours drinking and laughing finishing 9 tall beers between us four. The bar had been crowded with older men smoking pipes while they watched the younger generation make their way into the club. You could hear the bass from down the block and feel the buzz of naughty coming from the club goers. When we had said it was our last beer and meant it this time we chugged the last bit and walked down the street. Oh the thrill of the happy buzz I had. Sitting on my stool with the biggest smile on my face. I couldn't stop smiling, but when I think of "her" I never can. Again I could only imagine the joy I'd feel if she was with me, drinking and laughing with us. The sweetness of that laugh still rings in my ears. My own random bursts of laughter are known as my "happy thoughts" to the girls. They know who I'm thinking about and can't help but laugh with me. I'm sure the laughter being so loud this time was caused by the beer and good company. But on we walked into the club, the vibrations flowing through your feet and the thumping in your chest, a feeling you can't hate or describe, but it makes one feel the energy of the club and puts you in the mood. It almost screams sex to me. The techno was killer. The on going and ever changing beats thrown out to the vast people by three different DJ's in a club that could hold and maybe was holding at least 600 or more. The neon lights flashed in every direction possible and the smoke machines would randomly fog up a section of the room, again calling for sex on the dance floor. The buzz had gotten to me and I felt the urge to dance and dance hard. The pure thrill of knowing I could do what I wanted and never hear about it later through small town rumors was the only reason that the four foot by four foot box in the middle of the dance floor called to me. Oddly I think I really even heard it call my name. As soon as I was above the crowd I blocked out the cheers and the flashing of pictures and just danced my heart out. Danced because life is so much sweeter, no so desirable, with dance. The pounding of bass gave strong vibration through my body, numbing my feet and legs in the greatest way, giving me no reason to really stop. I looked around at one point and was happy to see I wasn't the only one on the boxes. There were girls pumping and shaking the sexiest parts they offered for the pleasure of the crowd. But when I felt someone next to me I froze, thinking it was a security guard trying to pull me down. Before I knew it I was turned around by a four foot 9 pixie of a girl with beautiful shoulders and a tat between her small but lovely breasts. She grabbed my face and kissed me. The thought of "her" came into mind. I blocked out the girl and closed my eyes seeing only her face, the only one I wanted to see. Again hearing the ringing of her laugh and seeing her eyes smile at me from afar. Being able to enjoy the kiss more with the thought of kissing someone else. My Perfect Drug, My Addiction. True I enjoyed the kiss for what it was worth. I could hear the crowd, being a mix of gay and straight only because the club was a gay club every night but fridays. Again the flashing of lights behind my eyelids and then she jumped off and left me standing alone and still frozen. I smiled as I watched her walk off, and then I could feel the beat again and dance, my friend and happy companion joined me again on the box. Later when I ended up on the ground now shorter then the crowd I found her. Her dance was smooth, the transitioning of beats, oh like having sex on the dance floor (which some people think is wrong when it is just about dancing not sex at all). I heard her voice ask me to kiss her with the sweetness of Brazil on her tongue, again asking me in english, so I did. The forwardness of women excites me. Ask for it, demand it, beg for it and you kill me inside. So she did several times that night. Who would I be to say no? Deni the softness of a woman? The fingers on my skin or mine on theirs. The swaying hips and back muscles when I run my hands down them, pulling them closer to give them what they want. Why say no, ever? Why did I ever stop saying no. To be back in this life where I can taste whom ever, be with whom ever, and please whom ever I want (women of coarse) has been something I've denied myself for so long. But getting back into it, easy and smooth as silk. And no to that one person, I dont scream sex, I reek of it. *Wink* But again only the thoughts of "her" and her body came to mind that night even in the mists of my play time, that body of hers, my PFOS was the only thing I really wanted to touch. To see the chills I give her when I do. To hear the sweet moans when I kiss her right, always biting softly. A kiss I never share when I'm not with her, our kiss... The end of the night came and went, the next thing I knew I had numbers in my pocket and too many cards to count from the club. I was soon in the back seat with two girls passed out on me. Giving me the joy of playing with long hair smelling of smoke and frilly shampoo while the heavy sleeping breaths kept me smiling. Again the dominance in me comes out in straight women, a need to protect them, be the only man they'll ever need. Then I was driving through the darkened streets of Nitoroi, the tropical tress high lighted by the small street lamps. Going through red lights in the dark and finally pulling in to the mansion I call home while a sleeping Joana was curled up on the back seat. I put her to bed and woke up this morning to laugh at the spread of both our clothes all over the floor and the room smelling of a perfect girls night out.....

Beach fun and soccer?

Now what an interesting few days its been. Wait, few as in how many? I don't even know what day it is anymore. LOL, awesome!! I will say this after that weekend I hung by the pool at Joana's house, listened to Brazilian rock, read my book, ate chocolate, and watched Victor (her little brother) jump off the second story into the pool and then join me in lighting fireworks. Which didn't work and exploded in our faces (I was lucky to have my eyes behind my camera because the pieces that hit my legs hurt like a bitch!) We got it on film, again with the youtube! Later that day we went back to the mall and I did some shopping, mostly for fun snacks I've never had and that was about it.

As for the interesting few days it begins with Joana and I going to town on a bus. That was fun and scary. LOL. But once we got to town turns out she had heard me say that I wanted to get my toes done again and made a pedi apt!! She is too cute. I'm so glad too, because it was only $12 bucks with tip!! Now my feet look pretty dang cute. It is one of the only girly things I do and I promised myself to do more.

So I did and now I have a frenchy on my little toes. *Note:To my PFOS I would love for you to rub my feet if you let me rub yours back! They are so cute and girly!!! I know you will like it and I want to spoil you rotten! Then Joana and I got on a giant ferry and I met up with a guy from France and had a nice coversation in English, French, and Portugease since I forgot a lot of words in all different languges and he didn't know much English. LOL. The boat ride was so cool, the view was beautiful!! So off we went into Down Town Rio and did some awesome shopping. I bought so much stuff it wasn't even funny and it added up to about $100 in real, or $62 dollars! Fuck yes! We took a little walk in to the Parliment (my dad would be so proud) and then to the church. I have some crazy pics that would go great as screen savers they are so cool. I was stoked to get a lot of cheap jewerly and a sick little vest that is so rocker it kills me! Fat rings, some made from coconut, some silver, a cross neck lace and yes a tiny tiny tiny thong bikini! Hotness. So that was one full day and my feet are still killing me!!

I was so excited when Joana said she got abunch of girls together and that we were going to the beach. Hot girls and the beach. I'm so down! Plus I got to see my beautiful curly haired girl again. She is too cute. Her brother is a male model in New York and I guess is pretty big. I'll have to look him up. Picked up the girls all of them in thongs, and headed to an amazing beach. The mtn on the side broke for killer surf, the waves were swelling perfectly and the sand was so interesting I sat and looked at it for about 20mins. As if I was on shrooms. You'd have to be there I think. Then thinking to myself..... nah the water will be cold..... I headed to the waves and to my utter surprise the water was warm and me being a little fish I got in and spent about two hours in the water. I freaked the girls out, playing in the giant waves and getting too close to the break on the mtn. Then the ONLY guy I find attractive on the beach and ended up talking with was a pro fighter.... lol. I really don't know where these people come from. The girls were watching him from afar and I went right up and said hello. It isn't like getting scared to talk to some famous person in America like Johnny Depp. To me he was just a guy. A very hot guy. I dont remember the last time I was really attracted to a man. Maybe it was because he looked dumb and I go for (or did) the guys I can minipulate. Sorry guys... LOL. So yah. I spent hours in the water then getting out took my top off and laughed when everyone on the beach was staring. Turns out it is something you can do but people just dont do it often. My beach experience is all France and topless. I hate tan lies!! Oh well guys you'll have to deal because my boobs have to breath!! HAHA. Not much after that, oh unless you count the fact I got a gig at the Macarana Finals for soccer! $100bucks to dance around with a bunch of girls in cheerleading outfits (I was in heaven thinking about it)! So we left the beach and took everyone home so we could get ready.

I want to add here that my hair was going to be chopped off before I got here and I ended up not doing it because of photshoots I have planned over here. Now I regret it. My hair is so curly in this weather it is driving me nuts!! Yes it looks cute until I dont have enough time to straighten it!! The girls love it so ok I guess it is fine over here but I'm cutting it ASAP! Jenn baby get ready for the hawk with pink streaks I know you've been dieing to get your hands on me. I think the PlayBoy bunnies will approve don't you? Love you, miss you!

Jumping in the car we grabbed the girls and headed to the game. This thing was huge and packed! People with flags and hats and everything. Like the superbowl kind of thing. Men being drunk losers in the streets waving flags at people in cars. The girls yelling at them saying that they don't speak portugease! LOL. That was funny!

When we parked, walked for days and found our gate we were escorted to a building where we were going to be given our oufits. I walk in to find 20 of the sexiest girls already waiting. And since we were somewhat late we didn't get outfits. SAD!!! But not that sad. Because they felt so bad for us and told them we wanted to stay and watch the game. So BAM! VIP PASSES!! *Takes a bow*

The party room was awesome! Private DJ and thanks to the interning I walked over, talked with the DJ and he handed over his shit and let me spin for awhile!!! Benny Benassi you are a God thank you for working with every type of Brazilian music!! LOL. So the dance floor rocked, lights everywhere, private bar where again I couldn't help myself hung out practicing my flare with them! *Leaving LA seems to have been the better idea when wanting to learn the coolest shit!! DJ, and bartending all in one night* They had a sport channel set up down the hall because of all the famous people walking around (I didn't know) for interviewing and ALL THE FOOD! *Note: I am making a post for all the crazy food so stay tuned for that!! They had hotdogs with everything you could ever want on them, Crepes, some of them meat filled which is very Brazilian, and fondue! Yah grapes, strawberries, bananas, pineapple, etc. Sad part was they weren't serving alcohol. But that never stops me. I found a beer stand and we all got drinks, then after I talked with the bar tenders and they pulled out the hard stuff and made us some kick ass shit!!!! Oh beer and a good game, I was missing home football starts sooner then you think!! Maybe I'll fly out to Hawaii with Kris for the Pro Bowl.... wonder how much that would be? LOL. Not to mention 11 hours tog et here so I'm guessing a 16 plus hour flight to Hawaii!!! HAHAHA....

After partying it up before the game we headed to a section set aside for us. Um like a veiw of the whole friggin field and private vendors that brought us free snacks (popcorn, air rice things, and even icecream!) the whole time. The game was sick! I dont understand much of soccer but just watching it was cool. I sat next to a really nice lady that spoke English and right in the middle of us talking a giant camera crew comes up and starts taking pics of her! I WAS LIKE WTF?! Yep again a famous actress who had just had a baby and this was her first big night out. She was too cute, hoping they didn't get overtime because she wanted to get home to her little one! So I moved and hung with the girls, then found my way to a nice spot where this guy was being really nice to me and helping me see. Joana comes up a little later and her jaw is on the floor. Didnt know why because then all of a sudden he was wanting to make out and take me home with him.

Yes in my drunken state I did and he was a very BAD kisser! Not like the sexy bartender. LOL. You get drinks in me and I tend to like making out with boys, because sober they touch me and get slapped!!! LOL. *Note: I really have got to stop making out with boys when I really dont like it. The few (and I mean few. I'm counting 5 now since I've been single and one was gay, girls on the other hand, dont get me started...) I've kissed had been buzzed little moments and were horrible! LOL. I can't say that about the girls. This is to the ladies in Vegas. My semi drunk and sober nights. At any point in time if you ever want to drag me to a strip club again and take advantage of me I'm down. I loved having the smell of sexy women on my pillows the next morning!! You laides were worth it!! So even though he was a bad kisser I found out why the girls kept looking at me funny. I had made out with one of the most popular teen actors in Brazil!! AHHHH this is driving me crazy! He is on this soap opera like show for teens and Joana almost shit herself to put it bluntly!! LOL. I ended up going home with him (not like that) and was going to hang with him at the set today but woke up and was in Iponima and my feet really hurt from walking so much! So I wanted out of there ASAP. Iponima is like an hour from Joana's house and so I had to call Andrea to get me.

Thank the lord he is a sweet heart and did. Then he took me to the beaches, and out to lunch and the helped me get on a van back to Rio. The luch was awesome by the way.... But you know me. My camera had died the night before at the party so I wasn't able to take any pictures. But I will add that it was also cloudy (but warm) and I will be going back soon. So I've been catching up on emails and whatnot the rest of the day. It is late now but I can't go to sleep because again the little brother has fallen asleep in my spot and because he is sleeping with his nephew who is 3 I wont wake them. Also it is raining like a MOFO here. It is the coolest thing ever. It scared me half to death at first because I thought the roof was caving in. Then there was thinder and lightening and only rainy days can put me in the perfect mood. So back to my emails I guess and Youtube!

So this link is to a video from the beach! Enjoy!! *wink wink*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvgj8DFh1JI

This is a link to a video of me DJing at the club. It was when we first got there and I could mess around. But later it got crazy!! I even got a card from a guy that wants me to do an event in Sao Paulo... crazy huh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STkDyL4_GfQ