Eu entendo....

Ok Im back. I think maybe the first letter got a little long but I was making up in short for almost three weeks of missing out on tell you guys everything. I hate not being able to go into detail, I really do. Colors, sounds, smells, that are so different I really wish I could sit back and write for hours about everything. Like yesterday morning where I woke up smiling for no reason and had a nice cup of coffee while I sat on the roof ledge and talked with the lady purning her bushes on the next roof over. She was listening to something like Billie Holiday but in portuguese. The sun was a warm ray just over our heads around 10 am and every where smelt like breakfast. But this is something I normally wake up to. Or just sit around all night waiting for. LOL.

But I had finally gotten ahold of my Gus. The Brazilian guy I met in Tahoe and I know it sounds weird but our souls touched. There was that energy I talk about in most of my blogs. More so the blogs on myspace if you need to refer back to what I mean about when I meet people and how we carry that person in us through time. I will tell you about Gus and our adventure later but first I needed a topic to bring up to move on into what I really need to write about...

Over here they have a religion that I like. These people believe in past lives. But in a way that makes you understand why life miht have a reason outside of god. That you keep having new lives to go through things that you need to learn. Maybe in one life you have an enemy and you never get a long. Then you die. You are then both brought back into life maybe as sisters and you have to learn to love each other. Sometimes it doesnt happen and you go through another life with that person again. I think this is something I might be going through with my sister, lol. But really. They think you have to learn from heartbreak. That everything happens because it is fate and it cant be changed because you NEED to learn. You need these things until your soul is so pure you can go to Heaven. That you have the right to be in the place of god. I look back and I understand what they mean. I see that through my heartbreaks I have become happier more so happier now then ever. I see my life has a reason that I keep reaching for and some things come eaiser then others. I have always known that something keeps me going. A need to meet new people and to travel. A need to fall in love and give my heart over only to have it broken and mend again to be stronger for the next time. Maybe this lfetime Im not destined to meet my true love and you know the more I think about it, the more it is ok with me. The more I see maybe this round I have something more important out there for me. Like learning strength or wisdome of travel. Maybe I have to be a rock for someone or be a smile that makes a day better. A laugh that carries on the wind for children to hear on the playgrounds in which they play letting their imagine take flight. Maybe I have a burden I must carry or an obligation I must fulfill. Just maybe life is bigger then this one all together and Im meant to just be and trust in fate and let it guide me to be an ever better person. Or just maybe my travels will bring me to a new place where he or she waits for me like I wait for them. Where happiness is made for this lifetime and not the next. What have I learned in my past already? What qualities have come easy for me this time around? Patience, understanding, love for all no matter what, openness, giving, trust, and thank god that energy Ive been blessed with feeling. I understand the good and the bad before I even touch a person. I have the gift of dreams that show my future. Not like deja vu, but dreams where I really see what happens in my life. I dreampt about people I would meet later on in life that I have. I drempt about the lovers I would take, I drempt about the places I would go and the feelings I would have. I have even been walking around in my dreams since Ive been here. I always believed that if I was living my dreams it meant I was going in the right direction. And since Im doing that now (but wasnt for a long time) I am so excited to see what comes next, my dreams are getting better and better!!! But again maybe I was able to pick up these things in other lives and maybe Im that much closer to who I really need to be. Im hoping that this makes sense to some of you....

Joana told me when she hear about this religion from her friend she wanted to see it for herself. So her friend took her to this place in which they "practice" and was introduced to a Medium (the people who see things and spirits like the tv show...) who sat her down and told her not to be afraid, because she was. Then went on to say all of these things that had so much meaning for her in her life. Things the first would never know and never tell a strange person to make them look real. Then she said as she was leaving that she knew she thought about her dad a lot and Joanas dad was ok and happy in a good place. Take in mind Joana's dad dies when she was two...

I know most people dont approve of these things or believe in them, but really I think there are people who can reach in you and feel something deep down that no one else can. Like when I feel the energy from your body and understand your health. I know when youre lacking something in your diet. Dont ask me how but I do and thanks to the pregnant girls at the Powder House I have freaked them out but also given them better doctor reports LOL! Jenn and Vanessa love to your babies! Miss you guys!!

So I just had to put this out there. I had to bring up something that made me feel like my life has a meaning outside of everything else. That when I can open my eyes and smile and say life is good and move on from every moment that brought me down, when I can take it out of my life as a lesson learned and toss it in the trash and put my feet on solid ground I know there is more for me. Maybe this is the reason why school has been so hard for me to go back to. Something that just says WASTE OF TIME to me because I only love something for so long then move on. Maybe I am destined to travel and live life to learn, to see, to believe in many things. Maybe after die and come back ready for the knowledge learned in a school and not through life travels. But whatever the case I am happier then Ive ever been in a long time. Im happy knowing my life is being lived! Really lived! That not only am I thankful for every sunny day but every cloudy day as well. For the smells and sounds, the feelings and being touched. For life and all its wondnders. Im thankful, so very thankful. Im thankful for what happened to me as a kid and recently because it got me here. It got me meeting people I never would have or going places i never would have gone. Im the person people tell me they fall in love with before I change. Im that girl again and if I fall in love again, either as a lesson or for good, I will always be me. But now I will be older and wiser. I will be the one that pushes for them AND myself. I will be the one to make someone happy by being me and the same for the other person. So thank you to my friends for getting me here and loving me as me, thank you to my family for understanding and giving me so much as hard as it is to except my life, and thank you to my lovers and heart breakers because of you I will be the person someone wants, I will be better, I will be the person Ive always been and never change for anyone in this life or the next. So again Im thankful and I want everyone to know that even if I met you for a second I think it was going to happen and you did something for me to change my life and I dont judge if was for good or bad because now I understand it is all about learning. It is all about what life gives you and how strong you are to handle it. It is just about what is to come and not what has happened. Thank you....